I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude i'm inner monologue high
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize