Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
