one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
