HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
