It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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