I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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