Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
