cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
