my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
