I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
