I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
