i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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