She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
