How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize