If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
