I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
