Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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