tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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