Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
