Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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