Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
