I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
