He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
