So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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