He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
