if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
