I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
