did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Randomize
