just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
