this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
