my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I believe in your delicious
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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