I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
