You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
