John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
