Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize