If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
