he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
