I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
