"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
