So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
