Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
