in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
