You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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