I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found a bag of teeth...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
