did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
