Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think people are normalizing furries
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
