Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
