If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize