Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
