omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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