Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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