Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
