and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
