doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
