dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
