How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
