I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
