I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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