I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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