he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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