Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
