Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
