**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
