I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
