I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
