I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
