Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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