I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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