Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
